Why I Will Never Buy An iPhone

Because I already own one.

In fact this one works better than your's ever will.

Its got a screen bigger than my face. A 5 megapixel camera. A calendar. A massive amount of memory for music. It can transfer data at a 1gbps. It works with Sprint. It allows 3rd party software. It is completely modular and can shrink to the size of a mint box. What kind of devilry am I talking about? I mean I've had it for a while now. I already own everything it already does.

My laptop does webpages. My phone calls people. My camera takes pictures. My PDA tells me when I need to go. What else is left? (Well there is that ordeal about the DS, if only I wanted a PS3 would have found it by now.)

Lets talk in metaphors and similes. The iPhone is like a sledgehammer. It is very useful. You can use it to hang pictures or you can use it to demolish a house. The problem falls in that a sledgehammer is too large for tapping little nails into plaster and too small and slow for breaking down houses. What works well for hanging pictures is a little hammer and what works for busting up houses is bulldozers. When I surf the internet. I generally use my laptop. If I'm going somewhere that I want to surf the internet I will bring it. If I don't want to surf the internet I don't. I have a cell phone. It goes with me where ever I go for two reasons: one for safety's sake and two in case someone needs to get a hold of me. I like the fact that when my phone rings all I have to do is flip open the lid to say hello. See my point? Big project small project.

Truth is I am very much one of those people who likes their devises to do one thing and do it well. My phone has a calendar on it, games too. Do I use them? No. Why? Because my Palm does a better job at keeping my information. Thats why I bought it. I didn't get the one with WiFi or a phone built in because all I want is for it to keep my information and sync up to my laptop. I could have bought one that would be more powerful and could play games, but I prefer to play games on my computer. Why? Because why would you play on a stamp size phone screen or a low quality palm with a slow ARM processor when you could enjoy a high quality screen and a modern processor? Could I have combined the features of a games, and webpages, and calendar and phone in one? Yes, its called a Treo. But why do that to myself?

Now there are some features of the iPhone that are seemingly impressive. Safari and maps. I've been away from home for weeks before with no internet. Did I live? Probably. When would I use it? During a boring meeting? No that's rude. I'd rather use my laptop and make it plain how lame I am then to be outed. On the ride to work. Erm there are enough people out there that can't drive. There just isn't anytime that I need to surf the internet when I can't get a computer. And when I do know I need to access the internet I will just pack my laptop. Yes, its heavier, but I'm not going to read webpages by zooming and un zooming or using a magnifying glass. And I'm not going to talk about a GPS-less map program.

Not only that say I drop my phone in a lake. Yeah, I've done it before. My boss did it too. Boom I'm out my contacts and since it wouldn't sync to Outlook I'm out my contacts. My music. My portable music player. My 2 Mega pixel camera. Gone. If I drop my phone its a trip to radio shack. Sometimes they even work after they've dried out.

I just don't have any any any reason to buy one. And I don't think I ever will.

On the same topic. Hey Justin, remember how you hate it when I touch the screen on your DS with my fingers. The iPhone will not use a stylus. Could you imagine how greasy thats going to get after the first day.

Still can't find that stupid DS.